I received this anonymous note from my neighbor this morning and had to post it.
I believe this letter is long overdue. You and I have been neighbors for over thirteen years and it is time that you learn some things about you, your house and your flock. First off, will you ever finish the exterior of your dwelling? Just when I think it is going to be complete, you rip off siding somewhere and begin changing something about the design. I see you have more new doors coming in and how many saws do you really need? It is mentally exhausting viewing the “look” of your building from across the way knowing that tomorrow I will have to sit here and watch it change again. If it were up to me, the Laundry Room would look better in a light green. Your choice of colors, unbelievable.
Is it really necessary to have that large of a garden? Who are you trying to impress anyway? All that you are accomplishing is engaging the ground-hog population in their great act of burrowing, and your burrows are encroaching into my flawless yard. You really should plant trees that help hide my view of your home. It would make amends.
Your animals. Is it really needed to have two dogs? Aren’t your three children enough to entertain you day in and day out? That little black and white one is very scary. It should be kept on a leash. I hope I don’t have to call the town on them any time soon. You do know that I can sue if it bites me.
We really should talk about the season of Christmas. You are out of control. How do you have the time to create such a display and then keep us all up until the wee hours of the morning every night until January with all of those lights? You should be stopped. The traffic on our street because of you during the month of December is uncalled for. This year in particular is beyond acceptable. It is mid February and your lawn is still masked with adorned Elmo’s and Rudolph’s. Puhlease. Three feet of snow is really no reason they cannot be removed.
In closing, you come in and out of your driveway much too often, with way too many vehicles. Do you people ever sleep? Your dishes. They really should be washed directly after dinner, not the next morning while you are making breakfast for that little terror of yours. Who dresses her anyway? Stripes and checks? High wedges in the dead of Winter? Honestly, it’s embarrassing for the neighborhood. If you need my help in fixing your home or being a responsible neighbor, please do not come calling. You people scare me.
(in fine print, you know I’m totally kidding. This was a blog post suggestion from WordPress. Write a note that might come from your neighbor. I put my twist on it)
- Choosing your neighbors: Scientists see how microbes relate in space (physorg.com)
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- Too much Christmas spirit rankles neighbors (reuters.com)