A Bad Day for Haiku and A Mother’s Heart

This is an posterior-to-anterior X-ray of a ca...

Jordans' was worse than this..her deformity went side to side and front to back

I will remember this poem as if I wrote it yesterday.  Jordan was four years old and in the middle of a terrible fight with her body.  She had to have a 13 hour back operation to fix her scoliosis, or the elbow as we called it on her back.  The surgery did not go well for many reasons.  Once again, I have attached the photos as a click on to see for the soft at heart as they are not always easy to view, but important to see, none the less.  jody before back surgery

First, her latex allergy would be noticed during the long procedure and had her first signs of an allergy to anesthesia, called Malignant Hyperthermia.  Her reaction would be so traumatic, she would have a stroke on the table and the surgeon would have to leave while Jordan was revived and brought under control.  He visited me in the waiting room, along with my parents and told us simply that she was putting them through their paces and the operation would go on for many hours.jody after surgery

Secondly, the surgery would years later be called a failure at best.  At 13 years old, she would have her second 13 hour surgery, which would leave her to her next decision and ultimately the removal of both of her legs to the hip.  For this first surgery, however, once the bone was removed to eliminate the curvature and the cord that was tethered cut, there was nothing left to attach wires or rods to.  Jordan was left with the one choice.  A body cast from armpit to knee, with a hole for a diaper while she healed.  She would wear this cast for six months and layed in a wagon for transportation and on her side in a bed for her fourth year of life.jody back surgery

Lastly, this was the first surgery that Jordan felt a tremendous amount of pain.  Her tears remain vivid and her expressions of hopelessness were crushing me.  All I could do was leave her room from time to time and cry myself, hit the walls and sit in stairwells and sob.  Even lifting her head would pull on the 100 staples in her back, so she would cry and sleep, taking turns between the pain and forgetting the pain. 

It was during this time that I wrote my first Haiku.  It’s not pretty.

Her back was open

Tremendous pain escaped wounds

Her tears fell very hard


Pleading eyes of fear

Asking for it to leave her

Never to come back


No rest, only sleep

It stayed with her forever

The scars run so deep


Please just let her go

To awake at heaven’s gate

Running with angels


I will take her pain

To carry the loss for all

Who will miss her joy


The funny thing is, through everything, Jordan smiled when we asked to take a picture or if she had company.  She only complained when she was alone.  I really don’t know why at four years old she knew to spare others as much pain as possible all the while she would continue to absorb it all, for everyone.  Just look at every picture here in this post and see her smile.  It still brings me to my knees today.


About wigsbabe

Never be the Mediator... be the writer.
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